Protecting Your Inner Solitude

One thing that keeps ringing in my mind since my time at Aranya Bodhi was a teaching given about protecting your inner solitude. It involves staying present with yourself and even withdrawing from certain social interactions that are not conducive to spiritual goals. The teaching was focused toward monastics protecting their solitude and protecting their ability to keep their many precepts. But this teaching also applies to lay practitioners as well.

It is hard enough for a lay person to keep five precepts. The world and society we live in is geared toward getting more, staying distracted, and trying to achieve our fantasies. It is geared toward constant stimulation and social interactions full of fluff (small talk, gossip, etc).

One thing that has been very difficult for me to work with is the bombardment of entertainment that is hyper-focused on romance. 99 out of 100 songs on the radio have something to do with romantic love in some form or another. It seems like there is not a single blockbuster movie that doesn't include some sort of romantic storyline. And it is so far from reality! But we see it so often in Hollywood that we become convinced that this stuff is real. This just makes us feel like we are missing something in our lives if we don't have a romantic partner. Like there is something wrong with us if we don't experience that fantastic romantic story in which we are the star. I do love this song by Metric called Sick Muse. She sings, "Watch out Cupid, stuck me with sickness, pull your little arrows out and let me live my life." and "Everybody, everybody just wanna fall in love. Everybody, everybody just wanna play the lead." Yep.

This is why I don't watch a lot of movies and don't listen to the radio much. Most of the music I do listen to is instrumental. But my kids like to watch movies and even all those so-called family movies tend to have "happily-ever-after" type romantic themes! It is just impossible to avoid. And it is very tough to try to teach my kids that this is not reality. I can't just take away movies from them altogether. But we do have conversations about them in an effort to help them think critically about the things they learn from entertainment.

It is easy to start thinking that romantic love is our highest goal, our highest purpose in life. But romantic love of any kind is ALWAYS temporary. Even those that make it a lifetime, lose each other eventually in death. Intellectually, it doesn't make much sense to devote our entire lives to something that is fleeting. I think the reason that so many of us do is that we feel that a higher and eternal love and happiness is unattainable, or that it is only available to us in heaven when we die. We have a sense that since this highest love is not attainable, we may as well just give in to that fleeting, earthly, romantic love. And then we try to hang on to it and we suffer. Suffer dearly.

Don't get me wrong. I am actually not against romantic love. I still long for a beautiful companion to enjoy pleasures and pain with. But the lesson I am learning is that this is only an after-thought in comparison to my highest goal, my highest purpose for my life. My highest goal is solitary happiness. This solitary happiness is my rock. Resting in the reality of the way things are in perfect equanimity is my goal. I find this equanimity through solitude and meditation.

When I am alone, it is easy. I can dwell in mindfulness. When I am with others, I find that I need to do a better job of protecting that mindfulness and inner solitude. It is easy to get pulled off course. To get pulled away from my purpose. To get distracted. To get pulled into stories that spin off into proliferation in my mind.

Just having a mind of spaciousness when I am with others helps me to stay true to this inner solitude. It is possible to be with others and to have a mind of solitude. It is like abiding at the bottom of the ocean where it is calm, while the waves swell up above at the surface. Here is where I should abide when I get distracted by the search for romantic love.

Recommended Reading:
Nothing Higher to Live For: A Buddhist View of Romantic Love by Bhikkhu Nyanasobhano

Women of the Awakening Forest

My daughters and I just returned from a 6 day retreat at Aranya Bodhi Monastery in the forest of Northern California. We were immersed in the beauty and tranquility of the forest, taken away from our usual distractions, and had the incredible honor of being in the presence of some of the Buddha's noble disciples - bhikkhunis who are practicing well each and every day.

I was both excited and nervous to receive the invitation from Ayya Sobhana to visit the monastery AND bring my children with me. I worried about how they would manage without the comforts and distractions of home. But it turns out that the kids were more flexible than I ever imagined. Our daily schedule was: breakfast at 7, puja (chanting) at 8:30, lunch at 11, dhamma talk after lunch, errands, outings and art in the afternoon, puja at 6:30pm, bedtime for kids and meditation time for mom at 8pm. We were free from the distractions of TV and internet. We took the five precepts. We had long walks on the forest path back and forth between the kuti (small cabin) that we stayed in and the hermitage grounds. We picked flowers for the Buddha. We heard Jataka stories (Buddhist fables). We learned about how to be happy through the Noble Eightfold Path. We visited the ocean. The girls collected rocks in the creek. The girls drew beautiful pictures with crayons and markers and created beaded bracelets with some craft supplies their Grandma had sent them.

This was the first family retreat held at Aranya Bodhi. None of us (the residents nor I) really had a plan or knew what to expect, but I have to say I think it was a huge success. My 7 year-old daughter especially enjoyed the dhamma talks and puja and is looking forward to practicing at our meditation center community on Sunday. My 5 year-old daughter was crabby and disinterested at times, but she seemed to enjoy resting her head on my lap during puja and lots of hugs and love. They both greatly benefited from the quiet and natural beauty of the forest. They were more imaginative and creative all week than I have ever seen them. And there is no doubt in my mind that they will never forget this experience.

I will not forget either. The experience has inspired me in many ways. I have so much admiration for those that have dedicated their life to following the way of the Buddha.

The Buddha said that both men and women are equal in their capacity for enlightenment. This was said at a time in history where this point of view was unpopular. Even now, more than 2500 years later, there are still so many who hold the view that a woman cannot become a fully ordained monk. But against common views at the time, Buddha established both the order of bhikkhus (male monks) and order of bhikkhunis (female monks).

The Theravada tradition has held true to the most simple teachings and practices of the Buddha in the original Pali language in which they were taught. It is considered "the oldest surviving Buddhist school." Its strongest roots are in Sri Lanka, Burma and Thailand. In the Theravada tradition, the order of Bhikkhunis ended in Southeast Asia and there are many that claim the order cannot be revived.

Since then, women have settled for practicing as siladharas, who undertake 100 precepts. But for those women who want to take the practice to the highest level with 311 precepts, practicing in the same way that the men do, opportunities have been limited and not without obstacles. There are very few places in the world where a woman can train to become fully ordained in the Theravada Buddhist tradition as a bhikkhuni. I had the incredible good fortune to be invited to visit such a place at Aranya Bodhi.

Why bhikkhuni? Why not be content to practice as siladhara? Here is an excerpt from Bhikkhuni and Siladhara: Points of Comparison FAQ on the web site for the organization called Dhammadharini, which supports Aranya Bodhi:

"There are many in South and Southeast Asian Buddhism, both leading monastics and laypeople, who have said that the full ordination and keeping the precepts of the bhikkhuni discipline is just too hard and strenuous for women who are by nature softer and weaker. They may also suggest that, especially in this degenerate age, 8 or 10 precepts are much more comfortable and conducive to a woman's nature and practice. However, we are left to wonder then, if this is true, why it is that women such as the Siladharas most willingly undertook greater discipline. And why the Buddha himself said nothing of this sort, but rather suggested that the bhikkhunis should train themselves related to the precepts as the bhikkhus train themselves. Or why the Buddha would have instituted precepts for the bhikkhunis at their behest. We are led to the conclusion that there are those women, just as those men, both ancient and modern, sincere in the monastic discipline, who have found a thorough and complete monastic discipline supportive, beneficial and conductive for their practice of the path as well as for the short-term and long-lasting welfare of the Sangha."

Essentially, women are up to the challenge of a rigorous spiritual discipline and deserve the opportunity to practice it. The Buddha said that this discipline leads to happiness and well being for ourselves and for all beings. Women deserve the chance to test out these teachings and find out for themselves if this is true. Not to mention that there is a real need for women teachers and leaders to pass on the teachings of the Buddha in a way unique to women. As a laywoman, I need strong women teachers of the Dhamma that I can really relate to. I need a model for how to practice. I need to see what is possible. I have seen the peace and love that is possible with this path in the bhikkhunis I have had the good merit to encounter.

The Aranya Bodhi monastery is in its infancy and is extremely "rustic," to put it nicely. Generators for electricity are only turned on when absolutely needed, they have wood stoves, outhouses, propane for cooking and heat only when necessary. The trailers on site are very old and barely functional. The trailer that was being used for the kitchen had to be abandoned due to extreme mold and mildew making it unsafe. At the moment, they are doing all their cooking outdoors under a tent. They have one water heater that they use for washing and showers in a tent outdoors. I don't mind living that way for a week, but these women live this way every day! And they do not complain. They are dedicated to living pure lives according to the teachings of the Buddha. They are beautiful.

Please support the women of Aranya Bodhi and help set the stage for a future for women in Buddhism and the Bhikkhuni path. Dana (generosity) to support the monastery can be made with the Dhammadharini organization through Network for Good.

Click here to donate.

Resources:

• http://www.aranyabodhi.org/


• https://sites.google.com/site/dhammadharini/home


• https://sites.google.com/site/dhammadharini/entering-monastic-life-and-ordaining-as-a-bhikkhuni-in-theravada-buddhism/bhikkhuni-and-siladhara-points-of-comparison-faq


• https://sites.google.com/site/dhammadharini/supporting-our-bhikkhuni-sangha/donations


• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theravada

Solitude as a Career (Part 3)

The Brahmaviharas (Divine Abodes)

metta - lovingkindness
karuṇā- compassion
mudita - sympathetic Joy
upekkhā - equanimity

Thank you to Ayya Sobhana for your comment about how "the monastic life is really equal parts of seclusion and deep love." That brought about very beautiful images and feelings in me. Ayya Satima, who was the monk who gave the dhamma talk I attended last Saturday, is bursting at the seams with lovingkindness! It is so joyful just to be near her.

I have only met a handful of monks and nuns and it is interesting how being a "thinker" or a "feeler" impacts the emphasis of their practice. The thinkers are mostly interested in analysis and concentration. The feelers are mostly interested in cultivating the beautiful qualities of the heart. Our personalities play a big part in the way that we view and understand the practice and the goal.

Most definitely love is the focus of my practice. And my life. Pretty much everything I have done in my life, I have done it because of love. We all want and need love. And it is so easy to make mistakes in terms of how to get and keep love, like it is a limited and scarce thing. Throughout my life, there have been so many times when I did not feel like I was loved enough or had enough love. So many people suffer because they can't find the deep love inside themselves.

The funny thing is, that love is always there inside each and every one of us without exception. It is unstoppable. It is boundless. We get stuck in delusion sometimes and that love gets covered up. But sometimes we experience deep love spontaneously. Perhaps many do not recognize it for what it is. It is difficult to describe too. Perhaps the Buddha would describe it as the absence of ill-will.

Sometimes we need to pray or meditate to find it again, but we can trust and be certain that it is always there.


You Got the Love - (Originally by Candi Staton in 1986, performed by Florence and the Machine in 2009)

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying, "Lord I just don't care"
But you've got the love I need to see me through

Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough
And things go wrong no matter what I do
Now and then it seems that life is just too much
But you've got the love I need to see me through

When food is gone you are my daily meal
When friends are gone I know my saviour's love is real
Your love is real

You got the love

Time after time I think, "Oh Lord what's the use?"
Time after time I think it's just no good
Sooner or later in life, the things you love you lose
But you got the love I need to see me through

You got the love

Solitude as a Career (Part 2)

Monastics pass on wisdom and insight to us directly through their verbal and written teachings. But this is only part of what they give us. It can sometimes be a small part.

The most powerful thing they offer is their example.

Just to see a monk in orange robes and shaved head causes one to pause. There is just something about that sight that touches something deep and primordial in me. Something quite subconscious. A powerful archetype representing something that cannot be put into words. A monk is a symbol of possibilities. Possibilities of a different way of living and being. Possibilities of simplicity, non-attachment, happiness and freedom.

Sure, monastics are dependent upon their benefactors for food, clothing and shelter - but consider all that they have let go of for the sake of purifying their hearts and minds for the benefit of all beings. Bhikkhunis have undertaken the training of 311 precepts. These are rules that they follow in order to experience ‘the happiness of being blameless’. The precepts are the way by which Buddhists practice morality for the purpose of higher happiness and freedom. As a layperson, I do my best to follow the five precepts (in Pali and English):

1. Panatipata veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami

I undertake the precept to refrain from destroying living creatures.

2. Adinnadana veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami

I undertake the precept to refrain from taking that which is not given.

3. Kamesu micchacara veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami

I undertake the precept to refrain from sexual misconduct.

4. Musavada veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami

I undertake the precept to refrain from incorrect speech.

5. Suramerayamajja pamadatthana veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami

I undertake the precept to refrain from intoxicating drinks and drugs which lead to carelessness.

There is no one to condemn me or expel me or send me to hell if I do not keep these precepts, however. These are practices. Trainings. The natural law of cause and effect does the trick when I am not keeping them. Pain naturally arises. I am free to be happy or suffer, it is my choice.

Monastics have an expanded version of these rules. The 311 rules they follow are based on the 10 precepts, which are the five above, only with the third precept being total abstinence of sexual activity, and these additional:

6. Vikalabhojana veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami

I undertake the precept to refrain from eating at the forbidden time (i.e., after noon).

7. Nacca-gita-vadita-visuka-dassana veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami

I undertake the precept to refrain from dancing,singing, music, going to see entertainments.

8. Mala-gandha-vilepana-dharana-mandana-vibhusanatthana veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami

I undertake the precept to refrain from wearing garlands, using perfumes, and beautifying the body with cosmetics.

9. Uccasayana-mahasayana veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami

I undertake the precept to refrain from lying on a high or luxurious sleeping place.

10. Jatarupa-rajata-patiggahana veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami

I undertake the precept to refrain from accepting gold and silver (money).

This is an austere training, and not for the weak-willed person. A person must be "ripe" for this type of training, as I mentioned in a previous post. They must be on the verge of giving up all these things anyway, naturally. A life of total repression is not helpful if one is not on the verge of giving these things up (hence, I am a layperson and not a monk).

Thus, a person who does undertake this sort of austerity is truly inspiring to me. They are spiritual warriors. Spiritual heroes. They are doing something difficult and amazing. They are putting the Buddha's teachings to the test. They are experiencing the teachings first hand. They are reaping the benefits. They are showing that it can be done. That it is possible to transcend sensual desire and attachment. They show us what it looks like. They give us something to aspire to. And whenever I am blessed to be in the presence of a monk, it seems the merit of that event is similar to many lengthy retreats I might attend in terms of how I am inspired in my own practice.

In the last few days I have noticed more opportunities in my life to let go and find simplicity. And it truly is a gift.

Solitude as a Career (Part 1)

Hermit. That is what the Venerable Bhikkhuni (honorable female monk) called herself at the dhamma talk I went to hear last Saturday. A hermit lives in solitude from the world, which is conducive to a spiritual purpose. Solitude not as an end in itself. Solitude as a means to an end, a spiritual purpose. Solitude as the condition for spiritual insight.

I wonder how I would fare with such solitude. Certainly at this point in my life it would be a shock to my system.

Or would it be? If I had unlimited solitude to do inner work, or rather, continue the inner work that I tend to do daily when I technically should be doing outer work, maybe I would be very happy. Maybe I would finally work through my own neediness and loneliness and craving.

Or maybe I would just be in solitude, lonely, needy and craving. I’m sure it would be that way, at least at first. But then it could become the ultimate test of emotional self-reliance. A test to see what is really on the other side of the pain.

Spiritual hermits run toward pain. Spiritual hermits use solitude to look deeply inside themselves and understand themselves and as a result understand all humans, all beings. They find wisdom, love and compassion and it radiates to all beings through their meditation and prayer.

What is it like for the Venerable Bhikkhuni? To do inner work only?

It is no wonder that there aren’t many people in this society that are called to monastic life. Those who do have a bit of a tug toward it may be hindered by the expectations of society to be productive citizens. Inner work is really not valued in this society. There are very few pockets of people in this US culture that understand and appreciate inner work, and even those of us that do are secretly skeptical about those that are dependent upon others for food, clothing and shelter. And I care so much about what others think. I don’t ever want anyone to consider me a burden on society.

I have always been so proud of my independence. But honestly, independence can be such a burden. Pride is such a burden. Being so independent and proud makes it difficult to accept help, to accept the generosity of others when it is really needed. I tend to feel that something must be given in return. I don’t like to feel that I am in debt to anyone for kindness they have shown me.

Much of that feeling of indebtedness is my own making, of course. When I help or give to others, I generally do my best to work through and let go of any expectations of receiving anything in return. So why do I think that others expect things from me in return for their generosity? Perhaps there are some that do have expectations, but for the most part, it is possible for people to give freely, without expectations. Though it is also possible to give only out of fear or obligation, which is a negative side of giving.

What is my intention when I help or give? Is it to relieve a sense of fear, obligation or debt that I feel I owe? Or is it out of a sense of completeness, abundance and compassion? That is the question.

And what is my experience when I receive? Do I feel lacking personally somehow? Or can I feel joyful that I have allowed someone the opportunity to practice generosity? It is possible to feel joyful in giving and in receiving. Not the selfish kind of joy that a child feels when they receive a new toy. But a shared joy. Both the giver and the receiver are participating in a joyful event of generosity and gratitude. Both of which are qualities worth cultivating.

Ultimately once we have found value in something worth valuing, like the dedication to inner work, we should support it in any way we can. That can be a joyful obligation. Right now in my outer, worldly life I sincerely value the insights and teachings of those who have done a lot of inner work. So in that case, it is easy to lose sight of who is the giver and who is the receiver. Is the monk really the receiver because they are dependent? Or is the supporter of the monk really the receiver because of the wisdom that is passed on to them by the monk?

Some may say that becoming a monk is a selfish endeavor. People become monastics because they want to test and experience the teachings of freedom of heart and mind for themselves. They want to be free. They want to be happy. But one who has done that sort of inner work and does become free and happy would be unable to keep the results of that work hidden from the world. It will be shared. Of course it makes sense that one must be free and happy themselves if they are to truly help others to become free and happy. That is the life’s work of a monk. May all beings be well and happy.