I Will Try to Fix You

Wanting to fix people comes from a wholesome wish for them to be happy. But that wholesome wish for their happiness can become distorted if we let it. There is a big difference between wishing happiness for someone and feeling responsible for their happiness. We can’t ever let ourselves feel responsible for others' happiness. We are not responsible for curing people's pain.  It is not our place to do that. It is only our place to be loving and compassionate. The person with the pain or the problem is the one that needs to do something about those things if they are going to. And if they don't, it is not really our concern. Except that we may get irritated from people complaining about their problems without taking any action to solve them. They don't have to take action to help themselves, but they can’t carry on and on about it either. They still don't have the right to dump their complaints on us constantly, and if we get sick of it, we should let them know.

The next time someone complains, perhaps just say, “Well, what do you plan to do about it?” That is a MUCH better response than a fixing response. It keeps ownership of the problem where it belongs. If they specifically asks what we think they should do, of course, be happy to tell them, without any expectation that they will actually do it.

I will probably have to do this periodically, since it just seems like I am prone to being a “fixer,” but I hereby let go of responsibility for any and all of other people's problems. And I will continue to be an empathetic listener as long as it seems appropriate, before telling them to put up or shut up.

Anxiety Meditation

We don't sit in meditation to calm down. We sit in meditation to be with whatever mess is there.

Any goals we might have for results in meditation must be dropped in order for meditation not to be a struggle.

When feeling stressed, instead of reaching for something to get rid or or ease the stress, we can just decide to sit with it and let the anxiety happen. The anxiety is here now, it has arisen now, so all we can do is be with it. All we can do is sit with the headache, the fatigue, the tightness in the chest, the racing heart, the racing mind. Let it all play out and run its course completely. Breathe with it and into it. Relax into it, really let it be there. Allow it in. Experience it fully. Hold yourself with compassion. Care about the pain. Care for yourself.

This is the training to stay. Stay with whatever is present. Don't run, don't rush, don't reach, don't grab. Just stay.