Work

I haven't quite figured out yet how to wake up every weekday morning not in a panic. It is not serious panic, just a startle more or less. Just a moment of "Oh my god, what is going to go wrong today?" It doesn't last very long, but it can't be good for my heart to have it pounding fiercely for several minutes every morning.

I let go all night long in sleep and dreams and when I wake, I feel like I have to hurry up and get back to the stress of daily life. I wake up with a fear that I am going to forget something or mess something up. Being a single mom and working full time in a fast-paced career are real stressors. I'm not imagining this stress. Overall I am able to work through it well during the day. I'm just not sure how to re-program my brain in the morning.

Sometimes I wonder if I should be doing something else with my career. But here I am now in this career that I have and must make the best of it. I'm not sure what else I could be doing without taking a serious pay cut. I absolutely have to provide for my family. I can't just run off and do something else right now. Besides, I actually do enjoy my work. It just gets a little too serious sometimes!

There have been a lot of organizational changes at work lately that have turned up the heat for me. Work stress is pretty much an ongoing thing, but lately it has been a little above normal. Either it is a huge workload or a new boss or a new project I know nothing about - there is always something to be stressed about. I continue to work on my frame of mind in relationship to this stress. When I start feeling scared, I try to remember that the people I work with all feel the same way sometimes. We are all just doing the best we can. I try to remember that I don't need to defend my ego, I just need to put in a good day's work.

I guess it all comes down to my issues with perfectionism. What better place to work on overcoming perfectionism than in a high pressure job? If I can learn to let go here, I can learn to let go anywhere.