Flying

My first husband had a Honda Gold Wing. As our marriage declined, my last remaining joy with him was riding on the back of that motorcycle. Feeling the wind and sun on my face, smelling the country fields, moving through open space was immensely pleasurable. I loved it so much that most of the time I was begging him to take me for a ride when he didn't even want to go.

When we divorced, I really lamented not being able to ride. The only logical solution then was to get my own motorcyle and ride by myself. So I did. My first was a 1979 Kawasaki 454 LTD street bike. VERY old and VERY heavy and clunky. I felt so overwhelmed by its massiveness. I was terrified of the clutch and the shifter. I was terrified at the thought of putting my feet up on it because I didn't know how I'd get my feet back down and keep the thing upright. I was terrified of starting, terrified of stopping, terrified of turning. Hmmm... Why was I doing this??

The first time I got on it, rolled on the throttle, slowly let the clutch out - but apparently not slowly enough. The bike jumped forward and it and I toppled over to the side. My boyfriend (who would be my second husband eventually) helped get it upright again. I took a deep breath and tried again. By some miracle I got it moving, out of the driveway and up a steep hill. I had nothing in me but pure adrenaline. I managed to make some turns and even stop at some stop signs. One corner came up that I did not estimate correctly and I was moving too fast. I couldn't take my eyes off the curb and of course I went straight for it. I crashed into the curb and my leg got really badly bruised. But my bodily pain was not as bad as the frustration, disappointment, and embarrassment I felt.

The bike was scratched up a bit, but nothing major. My boyfriend rode it back home for me. I stayed off of it for at least a month or two. But I signed up for the motorcycle safety class. I took the class and gained some confidence with a smaller, more manageable motorcycle and got my motorcycle endorsement on my license. I was now an official, card carrying motorcyclist. I was ready to try again.

Of course I dropped that thing a few more times, but each time was a little less embarrassing and just plain irritating. I am only 5'2" after all. I don't have long legs to put down and give me stability. I have to be extra alert to even the slightest bit of uneven road when stopping. Once I was practicing in an empty parking lot by myself and dropped it. Fortunately, there was a woman nearby who came over to help me put it back up. I brushed myself off and carried on. I have learned to stop being embarrassed about it and just accept help.

I did finally get to the point where I wasn't dropping it anymore. When I got on it, it didn't seem so massive and overwhelming anymore. I would put a braid in my hair, go for a ride and finally find the joy I had been looking for. It was even greater joy this time! It was all mine! Riding on my own and being in control of such an intimidating machine really was a thrill. I had conquered it and my fear. I was in the front. I became one with the machine and it was like flying.

That was 10 years ago. I've had a few other bikes come and go, all sport bikes now. They handle MUCH easier than that first cruiser I had. I gave birth to 2 kids since, and finding time to ride isn't always easy. I get a little rusty when I get back on and end up dropping whatever new bike that I have at the time. I have had some scary moments while riding over the course of 10 years - close calls in traffic, gravel roads, dark country roads, rain. It seems like every time I get on the thing, my heart pounds with terror all over again. But I just keep doing it!!! I love the thrill of the challenge, I love the wind, the sun, the feeling of flying, of being one with a massive, powerful machine. Perhaps it is like a girl and her horse. To have mastery over a beast that could throw you or trample you at any time is such a cool victory. To say it is exciting is an understatement.

Now I have a Yamaha FZR. Just got it last summer and we are still getting to know each other. Like a good girl, she started right up this past weekend! The snow is gone now so as soon as I have a free moment without my kids, I will be flying...

Ray of Light (Madonna)

Zephyr in the sky at night I wonder
Do my tears of mourning sink beneath the sun
She's got herself a universe gone quickly
For the call of thunder threatens everyone

And I feel like I just got home
And I feel

Faster than the speeding light she's flying
Trying to remember where it all began
She's got herself a little piece of heaven
Waiting for the time when Earth shall be as one

Quicker than a ray of light

She's got herself a universe

Quicker than a ray of light she's flying
Quicker than a ray of light I'm flying