A Gamble

It really is OK to feel unsure whether someone may or may not be the one you want to have a relationship with. You don’t have to say “It’s not you, it’s me.” You don’t have to say “I am in no shape to ask someone else to become part of my life as an intimate partner.” Instead, you could simply say, “I’m not sure if you are the right one. I need to date others so I can find out what is right for me.” That is a much more honest statement. A statement I myself have made to men in the past!

Why do guys do this in such a typical fashion? They say they are not ready for a relationship then immediately start dating other women. It is maddening and disappointing. I thought this one was different and special. I was wrong.

I took a gamble with this guy and lost. Que sera sera. Of course, it is all for the best. I really learned a lot from this. No regrets.

I AM ready for a relationship, so I will date other men. Time to get back to having more fun in my life. I have faith that eventually I will find the one I’ve really been looking for. I got it wrong this time, but that’s just how it goes.

“Love’s a gamble, sometimes lost but you never give in.
This time may be your time to win” – MJ Cole

Ultimately, it seems he is right about something and here is my thought on this. He knows that he is a mess and has no business involving me in it. Perhaps he thinks that he can find someone else to have a relationship with who won’t get so close to him and so involved in his mess. I think he is looking for the kind of relationship in which he can be alone. I do value space and solitude within a relationship, but not so much that I feel alone. Having a lot of aloneness while in a relationship is not, for me, a real relationship. I need more closeness, warmth, connection and intimacy than he does apparently. We are not on the same page in terms of how much closeness we need in a relationship. I thought for sure we would be, but I realized that I actually need more closeness than I thought.

I just want balance. My marriage was too close (not enough personal boundaries). This last relationship was too distant (too many walls and obstacles). Where is the middle ground?