L-O-V-E

I was talking to a friend yesterday who was lamenting - why it is that she feels like she needs a mate to be happy? How beautiful that she is completely aware of this and honest about it. Frankly, I feel exactly the same. In my view, I think a lot of people that say, “I’m happy single,” aren’t really being honest about that. We are strongly conditioned to find a mate, not to mention that there is just a natural instinct toward that as well. Perhaps it is more accurate to say “I’m happy being single until I find the right mate.”

It is frustrating - I do love myself and love spending time alone. I am not the kind of person who can’t stand to be with myself. Yet I still long for an intimate partner. I still feel like there is something missing that would make my life complete, something that would complete my happiness. I feel like I only have partial happiness. I feel restless. I have a very full life with work, family, friends, meditation… but I miss having one special person in my life that really knows me in a way that no one else can.

Then again, isn’t it typical to want what we don’t have? When in a relationship, I longed for more time and space for myself. When not in a relationship, I long for one. Comedian Dane Cook talks about this quite eloquently:

Let's talk a little bit about L-O-V-E. Sometimes, you meet somebody and you have what is known as a "relationship" and things can go great and if it goes great, then you have a great relationship. Sometimes, it doesnt go so great, and I like to call that a "relationshit".

When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love. On like, the same day. Even Karen the Douchebag falls in love. Even retarded people in your neighborhood are getting married on their front lawn. As you drive by - "What? The 'Tards just got married on their lawn! That's great. I have nobody, and the 'Tards just committed to each other for a lifetime of tardiness!" Or is that, they're late for everything. I don't know, could be.

I came up with the perfect analogy, right here. This is what it feels like when you don't have love - it's like there's a party going on and everyone was invited… except for you! And you just happen to be walking by that house, in the rain ... "Ohh. I wasn't invited to this party." That's what that feels like. But then again, once you're in love, you know what that's like? That's like being inside the party going, "Where's my jacket? I wanna get out of here. Where's my jacket? I've been at this party for six years and I wanna see other parties. Where's my jacket?!

Minus one brief fling, I’ve been on my own for over a year and half now. I am the queen of my life. My house is just the way I want it, my free time is spent just the way I want to spend it, my kids are raised just the way I want to raise them, my money is spent just they way I want to spend it. There is no one around to distract me from how I like to live my life. I love my life. But it is a little boring. I think maybe I’d like just a little bit of distraction.