INFJ Reflections (Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging)

I have this feeling sometimes like I am missing out on something. I am here in my own private little world, with my own little views, doing things my own way, somewhat oblivious to the outside world. I certainly don’t keep up with the latest pop culture or politics. My life consists mostly of the world of work, the world of my kids, and the world inside me.

The world of work is very task-oriented – put your head down and get stuff done. Not a lot of time for connecting with people usually. When I do connect with people, I feel like I am wasting my time or other people’s time and better get back to work.

The world of my kids is full of emotional immaturity and neediness. I am there to teach them and serve them. Loving and connecting with them is satisfying to me a certain degree, but it is primarily a function of me caring for them.

The world inside me gets a little crazy sometimes. So much thinking, analyzing, planning, fantasizing. I catch my breath for a few moments then it starts up again. Again and again. Trying to figure out why I’m not feeling happy and trying to figure out how to feel happy. Noticing how happy I feel and wondering how that happened. Trying to create solid problems out of passing emotions. Trying to feel like I really exist and am solid. Solid happy or solid sad, it doesn’t matter, though I think I have a sense sometimes that I am more real when I am unhappy. Pain makes me feel real and since it seems so much more easily accessible than pleasure, it wins the prize for the most convenient method of making me feel real.

Sure, I get out there in the world once in a while, but I often feel like somewhat of an outsider. I don’t really have a strong sense of belonging a lot of the time. Connecting with people is tiring to me. I have my small circle of close friends who I do connect deeply with, but I don’t see them often because quality is so much more important than quantity.

I can’t be hard on myself about this stuff. This is the way I am! Whenever I am feeling down about being such an oddball, all I have to do is read about my INFJ personality type and I remember all the beautiful things about me. And feel validated, since there really ARE others like me, granted only 1% of the population are.

It is interesting how I tend to be interested in men who are exactly what is described in this article:

The particular INFJ may opt for the inventive ENTP, but also may go for a different kind of contrary, namely the ESTP. The ESTP and ENTP, to the casual observer, look pretty much alike. Charming, suave, urbane, humorous, witty, fantastically easy to approach, venturesome, even reckless. But one is out to invent, the other to promote; this is not small difference. It takes an inventor to make a mousetrap, it takes a promoter to make an enterprise. To succeed, the promoter has to be, in the best sense of the word, a con artist. He must be able to get people’s confidence. Now why would a meaning-giver INFJ be intrigued by an entrepreneur ESTP? Because he wishes to rescue this iconoclast from his seeming folly (and let’s face it, most inventions are abortive, or stillborn).

http://www.purdue.edu/USP/pdfs/mbtiresources/INFJ.pdf

Why am I attracted to salesmen/entertainer types? For example, the guy running karaoke last Friday night. He was well dressed, a great singer and had great presence as a DJ. Not to mention he had this cute Harry Potter look going for him with dark hair and dark glasses. I am so reserved on the outside, but I long for someone to push past that reservedness and look deeper. Wild and reckless extroverted guys seem to be attracted to me because they want to draw me out of my private world. And I am attracted to them because I like to be drawn out. Extroverts help me feel more connected to the world. Thinkers help me remember to stay more rational. Thinkers give me the opportunity to be the beautiful flower full of feeling that I am to bring some color to the Thinker’s logical world. Perceivers are spontaneous and exciting, though I think I tend to prefer the orderly Judgers who are more determined, disciplined and predictable.

I can’t decide if I prefer Sensing vs iNtuitive people. iNtuitives are creative people. Deep thinkers. We iNtuitives really understand each other. I think I lean more toward iNtuitive people, but perhaps I am just jaded from my failed marriage to a sensing “con artist”, if you will. I am undeniably attracted to Extraverted, Sensing people, as long as they have their facts straight and aren’t giving me a line of BS. They are exciting and intelligent.

What would happen if I had a love relationship with another INFJ? What would that be like? How would I manage to get together with another INFJ given how private we are and difficult to get to know? I thought perhaps that NF’s would go well together as a couple. But I found myself with an NF guy and it went wrong for some reason. Too much NF-ness maybe? This article has something interesting to say about that:

Idealists have much less trouble with mates of their own temperament, and Idealists often get along exceptionally well with other Idealists. Two NFs can find deep-felt satisfaction in sharing each other's inner world and exploring each other's personal development, although if the pair are too much alike in their ethical concerns, or pursue the same spiritual goals for too long a time, they can become rather narrowly devoted to the pilgrim's journey and tire themselves out along the way. In addition, two empathic NFs can creat a wonderfully intimate bond for at time, but eventually such mutual introjection can also invade each partner's privacy-constantly getting into each other's skin can result in getting on each other's nerves.

http://www.davidmarkley.com/personality/idealist.htm#NFCourtship

My sister and I are both INFJ’s. I think my eldest daughter is as well. So much for that being the rarest personality type! Not so rare in my family, I guess. The empathic nature we share absolutely can be painful at times! I have written about space previously. Ultimately, NF’s need a lot of space between each other. Too much empathy there. We understand each other too well to the point where we just need to get away from each other! But my NF family and friends will always hold a special place in my heart. When I have the need to feel understood, they are the first I turn to.

What are the Myers-Briggs personality types? In a nutshell:

Favorite world: Do you prefer to focus on the outer world or on your own inner world? This is called Extraversion (E) or Introversion (I).

Information: Do you prefer to focus on the basic information you take in or do you prefer to interpret and add meaning? This is called Sensing (S) or Intuition (N).

Decisions: When making decisions, do you prefer to first look at logic and consistency or first look at the people and special circumstances? This is called Thinking (T) or Feeling (F).

Structure: In dealing with the outside world, do you prefer to get things decided or do you prefer to stay open to new information and options? This is called Judging (J) or Perceiving (P).

http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/