Learning to Trust Nature

Welcome to my minimalist blog. I'm not here to impress anyone or gain endless numbers of followers. I just like to think about things and I like to write. I do this because I hunger to know and understand the truth of the way things are. Though, granted, I do tend to get lost in my stories more often than I'd like to admit. Especially in February when the snow piles are taller than me and it seems like I will never again feel the warm breezes of summer on my skin.

I've been thinking a lot lately about uncertainty and the endless striving for security. It seems like such a natural impulse we have, to get ground under our feet. I think it comes from the natural instinct of self-preservation. Without a certain amount of security and stability, we could very well just die. So I think a certain amount of striving for stability is healthy. But ultimately, nothing is secure, nothing is stable, nothing is changeless in the world.

Even things with an element of continuity are in flux. I am the same, yet not the same from moment to moment, day to day. Relationships are the same yet not the same from moment to moment. Every moment is colored by whatever is most prominent in awareness at the time - thoughts, emotions, seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching. Whoever "I" am depends on all these things at any given moment. it is constant movement, like the frames of a movie.

There will never be perfect certainty. Perhaps this is why I have difficulty with the idea of marriage. In my opinion, the institution of marriage encourages a false sense of security. It encourages the illusion of perfect certainty. I'm not saying all married people actually believe in that illusion - but I think a vast majority do. I think I did. Our society encourages us to believe in a happily ever after. You meet your mate and then that's it. You're set for life. You're done, you're settled down, there is no where else to go, nothing else to do, just coast. Laziness, that's what that is. It takes a lot of energy to really go with the flow of life and grow and change the way we were intended to. It's too easy to become complacent and stuck.

Why does it take so much energy to grow and change? It seems counter-intuitive. You'd think it would take more energy to fight against the natural flow of change. I think it is all about how and where the energy is directed. Why direct energy to fight against something that is inevitable (change)? Why not instead direct that energy into living mindfully and intentionally?

It really is a lot of work to live a life of balance. It calls for tolerance of ambiguity and constant re-evaluation. There is no absolute, no solid ground to stand on. The weights of the scales are always changing. Constant adjustments must be made. What is right this moment may be wrong in the next and vice versa. I find myself worrying if I am doing it right, whatever IT is at that particular moment.

I find it so difficult to trust in the natural unfolding of things, but when I do, just as much as I am able, I breathe a sigh of relief as the world falls off my shoulders. Even just for that brief moment. I just have to keep moving forward even if in some moments I don't get the balance quite right. Getting it wrong is nature too.