Solitude as a Career (Part 1)

Hermit. That is what the Venerable Bhikkhuni (honorable female monk) called herself at the dhamma talk I went to hear last Saturday. A hermit lives in solitude from the world, which is conducive to a spiritual purpose. Solitude not as an end in itself. Solitude as a means to an end, a spiritual purpose. Solitude as the condition for spiritual insight.

I wonder how I would fare with such solitude. Certainly at this point in my life it would be a shock to my system.

Or would it be? If I had unlimited solitude to do inner work, or rather, continue the inner work that I tend to do daily when I technically should be doing outer work, maybe I would be very happy. Maybe I would finally work through my own neediness and loneliness and craving.

Or maybe I would just be in solitude, lonely, needy and craving. I’m sure it would be that way, at least at first. But then it could become the ultimate test of emotional self-reliance. A test to see what is really on the other side of the pain.

Spiritual hermits run toward pain. Spiritual hermits use solitude to look deeply inside themselves and understand themselves and as a result understand all humans, all beings. They find wisdom, love and compassion and it radiates to all beings through their meditation and prayer.

What is it like for the Venerable Bhikkhuni? To do inner work only?

It is no wonder that there aren’t many people in this society that are called to monastic life. Those who do have a bit of a tug toward it may be hindered by the expectations of society to be productive citizens. Inner work is really not valued in this society. There are very few pockets of people in this US culture that understand and appreciate inner work, and even those of us that do are secretly skeptical about those that are dependent upon others for food, clothing and shelter. And I care so much about what others think. I don’t ever want anyone to consider me a burden on society.

I have always been so proud of my independence. But honestly, independence can be such a burden. Pride is such a burden. Being so independent and proud makes it difficult to accept help, to accept the generosity of others when it is really needed. I tend to feel that something must be given in return. I don’t like to feel that I am in debt to anyone for kindness they have shown me.

Much of that feeling of indebtedness is my own making, of course. When I help or give to others, I generally do my best to work through and let go of any expectations of receiving anything in return. So why do I think that others expect things from me in return for their generosity? Perhaps there are some that do have expectations, but for the most part, it is possible for people to give freely, without expectations. Though it is also possible to give only out of fear or obligation, which is a negative side of giving.

What is my intention when I help or give? Is it to relieve a sense of fear, obligation or debt that I feel I owe? Or is it out of a sense of completeness, abundance and compassion? That is the question.

And what is my experience when I receive? Do I feel lacking personally somehow? Or can I feel joyful that I have allowed someone the opportunity to practice generosity? It is possible to feel joyful in giving and in receiving. Not the selfish kind of joy that a child feels when they receive a new toy. But a shared joy. Both the giver and the receiver are participating in a joyful event of generosity and gratitude. Both of which are qualities worth cultivating.

Ultimately once we have found value in something worth valuing, like the dedication to inner work, we should support it in any way we can. That can be a joyful obligation. Right now in my outer, worldly life I sincerely value the insights and teachings of those who have done a lot of inner work. So in that case, it is easy to lose sight of who is the giver and who is the receiver. Is the monk really the receiver because they are dependent? Or is the supporter of the monk really the receiver because of the wisdom that is passed on to them by the monk?

Some may say that becoming a monk is a selfish endeavor. People become monastics because they want to test and experience the teachings of freedom of heart and mind for themselves. They want to be free. They want to be happy. But one who has done that sort of inner work and does become free and happy would be unable to keep the results of that work hidden from the world. It will be shared. Of course it makes sense that one must be free and happy themselves if they are to truly help others to become free and happy. That is the life’s work of a monk. May all beings be well and happy.