I always used to get a hard time from my classmates in
school all while growing up because I was “bossy.” I have this thing about feeling like I am
right most of the time. And when I feel
like I am right about something, I don’t let up, even when people tell me not
to be concerned about something. Kids
thought I was stuck-up and rejected me.
Now that I have grown, not letting up when I think I am
right about something pays off often.
This quality is a big part of why I am so successful at my job! I catch things that others don’t and I follow
through to make sure things get fixed, even when people tell me certain things
are already taken care of. I can see for
myself when something has not been taken care of or not being done the right
way, and I will push to get it corrected. The team I support and the company I work for
benefit, and I receive recognition and financial benefits for my efforts. In addition, my confidence and thoroughness
instills trust in people and makes it easy to gain their confidence. There are still a few people I work with who
get annoyed with me, because I am always challenging them, but at the end of
the day, the job is getting done right.
And I do my best to be kind and cordial when challenging others. I don’t intend anything to be personal.
I wish I would have known when I was a kid that these are
good qualities. That being assertive and
going against the grain can be very useful life skills in adulthood. I endured a lot of social pain while growing
up because of it, but now I see that it was all worth it.
I’ve been reading a book called “
The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth” by Alexandra Robbins that talks about this very phenomenon.
In school, conformity is king.
Cliques are formed and once part of a
particular clique, god forbid you do anything other than what the rest of the
group does. But while conformity has its place in society, non-conformity is
what is going to make our society evolve.
Albert Einstein failed out of school because his ideas were so unusual,
and then he came up with the theory of relativity which changed science
forever.
From 7th grade to high school graduation, I
intensely felt the pain of non-conformity.
I was called a nerd, a goodie-goodie and stuck-up. I got good grades, had a moral compass, and had
a confident and assertive personality. I
may have been bossy, but I was not skilled in meanness. I was never the kind of person who could
think of great comebacks when people cut me down.
The Robbins book talks about how in order for people to
be popular, they have to be skilled in meanness. I can say from experience that is true. The “popular” people in school always had to
protect their status by putting others down.
The term “popular” for those kids really is an oxymoron. I wouldn’t say they were really
well-liked. They just had the power of
meanness going for them. They did their
best to push everyone below them by tearing them apart emotionally and
sometimes physically in order to appear better than them.
But ultimately, the front of “popular” or “loser/nerd”
are a sham. No matter how much the mean
kids tried to bring me down, I still stood tall. I still stayed true to myself. I questioned my worth, for sure, but
ultimately, I was not defined by others.
When school was over, it was clear to see that all the bad things they
tried to make me believe about myself only had a small grain of truth. And ultimately, I discovered that the things
they said they hated me for, were positive traits that have helped me to have
happiness and success in my life.
Their influence was very strong though. So many times I doubted my self-worth and it
was truly a struggle to stay on top of it, especially in junior high. In high school I was able to use what I
learned in junior high, at least after an initial period of trying really hard
to conform. Freshman year I had big
hair, touched up my make-up throughout the day, and became a cheerleader. But as time went on, it was clear that I was
not the same as the other cheerleaders.
I wasn’t interested in tanning or manicures or gossip. I tended to stay somewhat quiet and on the
fringe. I was rarely invited to parties
or social events outside of school or cheerleading.
Then I joined a music group, a glee club of sorts, and I
also signed up for the school musical. I
felt like I had found my place. I
stopped cheerleading and being so concerned about my appearance and focused on
music and theater. I made some good
friends that way, though very few of them were in my graduating class, so I
still felt pretty lonely in high school in general. Especially since defecting from the
cheerleader/party scene made me a target of torment for those continuing in
that scene.
I always resented the saying that the years of high
school are the “best years of your life.”
They weren’t. But I made the best
of those years for sure. I continued to
get good grades and participate in activities that I enjoyed and just keep to
myself during all the rest of it. I am
grateful for the challenge presented to me to stay true to myself despite the
pressure to conform. It made me
stronger, wiser and more powerful. I
have no regrets, only joyful gratitude and a bit of laughter at the silliness
of all of it.
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